I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
my god I love twenty year old dicks
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
