i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
