Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
