Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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