I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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