fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I think I won the penis lottery.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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