it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Mom said you looked used
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
