It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
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I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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