the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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