The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Randomize
