I need to stop coming to work sober
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
