I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
