Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
