sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Even my vagina gasped.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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