A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
