i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
