Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
