Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
