I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
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She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
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I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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