i wish my penis had a tongue
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
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