i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
