all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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