i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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