Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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