Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
