dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
whose parrot is this?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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