omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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