I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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