Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
