I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
