ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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