NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
