Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
