It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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