I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
