so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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