using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
