I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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