she takes plan B like it's going out of style
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
