what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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