Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize