she smelled like a LAN party
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
