is your mom at the bar?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Is her dick bigger than yours?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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