i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
