Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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