it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
