So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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