I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
