I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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