New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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