No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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