Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
areolas are like halos for boobs.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
