We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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