wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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