Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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