I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
