What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
