bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
