yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
well you can't waste a boner
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
