You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
