Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
