I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
