Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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