I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
