never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
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dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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