Sry I called you an 8
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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