does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
