I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
