The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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