saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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