..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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