Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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